It has been a full 6 months since we lost BigBear.
He would be THRILLED at the progress of the LGTB legislature being accepted in so many states to allow same sex marriage! He would be so happy to see his own home state pass this into law and so many of his friends announce their betrothal.
He would be proud of the strength our mother has shown in coping with his affairs.
He would be proud of his legacy. The outpouring of love and admiration of his friends and loved ones. The testament to his spirit of so many taking the pledge to pay someone a complement every day. To spread love, just like he did.
In some ways, it doesn’t seem possible that he has been gone half a year already… Sometimes it seems I could just pick up the phone and talk to him.
Anytime I got past my point of coping, I would call him and say, “ Gotta’ help me dial it back.”
I didn’t have to tell him everything that was wrong (though often we would talk through the nitty gritty). He would just hear my plea, and he would start talking to me…. He would mock me a bit. He would tell me about adventures he had planned for the weekend. (He always had a booked social calendar.) We would end up laughing and I would feel better.
Not that we would have solved all the problems of the world, not even my small corner of it,… but I would be more centered. Happy just to have talked to him.
Sometimes I want to call him so badly…
It is funny how you don’t think about how amazing something like that is… until it is taken away…
And then, sometimes it seems we have been dealing with the aftermath for such a long time…
We continue to wrap up BigBear’s final requests…
His house is sold.
His car is sold.
His bills are paid.
His finances are in order.
His friends all got mementos and keepsakes.
We completed his wishes to get ManChild a better car and give his car to BigBear’s best friend and guardian angel, Tinkerbell.
The very last thing he accomplished, because he had a LIST of things he wanted completed before he would relax and rest easy, was to make arrangements for a surprise for Tinkerbell. I researched the language of flowers as he requested. Made sure the gift he left would send the perfect message for her, and then we got stuck. There were two keepsakes he was torn between. One had the flowers that sent the desired message. The other was SO representative of him. So, I suggested he get both. One, he could have given to her on the day of his service, as he wished. The other we would deliver to her for Christmas. His last Christmas gift to her…
So, we did… We delivered his last Christmas gift…
I continue to work from home.
Which is much harder than I would’ve ever thought possible.
There is this assumption from everyone that if you work from home, you have infinite amounts of free time to do things for or with them… This makes actually WORKING extremely difficult!
I live way off the beaten path. Which I LOVE….but that means going to meet someone, pick up work, or even pick up Princess from school, is a time commitment. Just getting to or from the school is a good 20 to 30 minutes depending on traffic around the school.
Which means running into town to meet with someone requires allowing a lot of extra time for travel.
Now anyone that knows me, KNOWS time and keeping track of it… MAJOR challenge for me!
But, I am keeping on…
Working for the eye doctor from home.
Completing the first ebook…(coming soon to a blog near you…)
Working on the actual book.
I am biding another contractor’s job. A remodel for a business… FUN!!!
I continue to encourage ManChild to join the ranks of the working class.
And, I am trying to keep up with the various family commitments…
One of these commitments is planning our new annual Summer Christmas!
You see, when BigBear was moved to hospice, we talked a lot about his tradition of spending Christmas Eve at my house and doing Santa Clause with me. It had become one of our most treasured traditions. So it was suggested that we have an honorary Christmas with BigBear on June 25th so that he would have one last Christmas with us.
Unfortunately as the day drew closer, it was painfully evident BigBear would be in no shape to participate and most likely would not even be aware of what was taking place. As it turned out, June 25th ended up being the day he passed away.
After he passed, I loaded up ManChild and Princess and headed up north to visit my sister and her brand new baby, the AngelBaby. We have decided to make this get together an annual event and celebrate our Summer Christmas on BigBear’s day, June 25th.
So as the world continues to move forward… As plans are made for the future… I will urge you again to remember to take time to LIVE your life!
Hug your friends and family.
Tell them how much they mean to you.
Complement someone. A genuine complement.
Offer a hand to someone who is struggling.
Smile at someone who looks like they need one.
Be they a friend or stranger, making someone else’s day will make yours too.
Sharing good will with the universe will make your little corner of it a happier place to be.
Most of all, never miss an opportunity to tell someone how much you love them.