I am a confirmed introvert.
Seems to be a direct contrast to someone who blogs about their life to the public, but it is actually quite in sync with this personality trait. You see the blogger gets to make life observations without having to actually interact with the audience.
Even now, I sit watching Princess at gymnastics and become absorbed in my narrative, therefore blocking the need for conversation with the other parental observers around me. I do not enjoy small talk. I do not enjoy awkward interactions with people I do not know.
This is one of the reasons I ADORE working from home! I currently have four occupations to absorb my time.
First, I continue to tweak the ebook I am finalizing for you, entertain you (I hope) with blog entries and work on a fiction story hopefully to be released in book form in the future.
Second, I am finalizing blueprints for a remodel of a doctor’s office. The program I am learning to use is amazing, but had I realized how difficult it would be to translate existing blueprints to the program, I probably would have charged more for the job! You see the blueprints I am working from do not have all the dimensions included, so there is a lot of calculating and fitting and figuring. This is nerve-wracking because I am adding a staircase to the attic area to turn it into a second floor. Which means if my calculations are off, it could cause a nightmare when the actual work begins. I am very meticulous and will not rest until I have minimized any risk of error. So, it is a great learning experience, but it may make me crazy!
Third, I am working for an optometrist practice that has five offices and is adding a sixth. I am helping work their recalls, make confirmation calls and am learning their billing and insurance payment posting procedures. This is a full time job in itself and is the source of my steady income at present.
And finally, I am promoting a skin care line. It is a product I use and believe in. I am just not great at starting a dialog about it. I feel like people will think I am telling them they don’t look good… Yeah, I know, the introvert’s awkwardness…
While endeavoring to succeed at all of this, I am also a single parent. (That should count as another full time job!)
All of this leaves very little time for me to feel guilty about not pursuing a social life. I am perfectly content working from home and never worrying about what I look like. I stay so busy trying to keep up with work, Princess and her little Beast, ManChild, bills, the heating unit that keeps going out on me and all of the chaos of daily survival that I don’t know where I would even work in anything else. I have a small circle of very close friends and other than them, I socialize via the internet.
And yet, people seem to feel I need to socialize with the opposite sex. My past experiences being what they were (as you’ll hear more about in the ebook), I am not eager to reenter the fray. I am more than a little gun-shy…
Adding to my hesitation is the quality of the offers I’ve had… Now don’t jump to conclusions… My aversion is not superficial! The overtures I have received primarily come from men who are either MARRIED or are at least ten years younger than me! Neither of which I would ever consider.
Anyone who knows me, even a little bit, would know there is no way I would ever consider dating a married man. Not only because of being in the position of the wife being cheated on in the past, but also because I find it to be morally repulsive.
Adding to this is my EXTREEM discomfort with the prospect of DATING again…. UGH!
Don’t get me wrong, I am comfortable talking to men. Most of my close friends in my life have been male.
But,… there is something so unnerving about talking to someone while knowing there is an underlying motive to become intimately acquainted that I find it practically paralyzing.
I immediately find reasons to talk myself out of continuing to interact with the man and just shut myself down.
I don’t foresee the prospect of this changing to any great degree anytime soon.
I don’t think I should be made to feel like this is a bad thing. And yet, there is the underlying suggestion when I talk to people that I should be seeing someone by now. That Princess should see me in a healthy relationship. That I should be “getting back out there”.
Well, this introvert is happy staying in!
I think it is a healthy thing for Princess to see a confident, self-possessed, self-reliant Mother. I don’t want her to be brainwashed into thinking she NEEDS a relationship to be a fulfilled person. I want her to be content to be herself.
Now, if she happens to meet someone who appreciates that about her and she wants to share her time with them; she should feel empowered to make that her decision. I want her to know that is a beautiful thing, but NOT an essential thing.
And I want that freedom as well. I want to enjoy being me!
And if I meet someone that I am friends with, comfortable with, that accepts my introverted, anti-social behavior as quirky and me…maybe that friendship could progress further…
But for now, I am perfectly happy.